Keith (ง •̀_•́)ง (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
whatsacactus) wrote2017-06-16 08:50 pm
whatsacactus) wrote2017-06-16 08:50 pm
(no subject)
[The agreement to go back to Earth had been quickly decided without any argument. Krolia had agreed to ride with Pidge, leaving Shiro and Keith alone in Black with his cosmic wolf.
It's quiet. They're all still recovering from the long fight with Lotor, the exhaustion of the quintessence field, the everything about Shiro once Keith had the time to tell them. He left out a lot (Krolia and Coran's eyes let him know they could tell he left a lot out), but it wasn't their business really.
Keith takes a slow breath, trying not to disturb the wolf lazing next to his seat but he needs to move around. He's ready to be cooped up here for weeks going back to Earth, but after just a couple of days? He's getting cabin fever.
He doesn't get up yet, but squeezes the controls.]
You doing okay back there?
It's quiet. They're all still recovering from the long fight with Lotor, the exhaustion of the quintessence field, the everything about Shiro once Keith had the time to tell them. He left out a lot (Krolia and Coran's eyes let him know they could tell he left a lot out), but it wasn't their business really.
Keith takes a slow breath, trying not to disturb the wolf lazing next to his seat but he needs to move around. He's ready to be cooped up here for weeks going back to Earth, but after just a couple of days? He's getting cabin fever.
He doesn't get up yet, but squeezes the controls.]
You doing okay back there?
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A year ago. More? Shiro has always been determined to just live with discomfort, he'd forgotten it could be assuaged. He eats, thoroughly chastised, and Pidge makes small-talk. He knows she won't hold it against him. She never does.
(He doesn't deserve them. It's a dark part of his mind, something he's grappling with. His weakness caused this.
But not only his.)
The clone's mind exists like a phantom limb. His memories, his feelings. He loved his team. He grew angry and frustrated at his own weakness. He knew - had known all along - that something wasn't quite right, but he'd pushed those feelings aside in favour of the fight. The mission. Survival.
None of the others would think of it this way, not even Allura, but Shiro feels as if they killed him. Coexistence is impossible, and what was preserved in the Black Lion subsumes everything else. What existed of the vessel is gone, whether it was torn out by Haggar, ripped apart, or destroyed to make room for the transference.
Some memories remain. Many are more tenuous than others. He feels like he loses more of them each day. The one that stays - that he expects will always stay - is Keith. If they had nothing else in common (and they did, but--) then it was how much they both loved that boy.
Who speaks, just then, to ask if he's okay. Shiro's head jerks up.]
Yeah.
[The rest is too complicated. Shiro only ever lies by omission.]
How about you? Need a break?
[He can still feel Black. The Lion is like a thing alive to him now, he swears that sometimes it feels as if it's breathing. It would accept him back without issue, he feels that down to these bones he supposes he has to accept as his now, but it's equally loyal to Keith, and flying with only one arm would be hard but not impossible.]
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His hands shake on the controls after going for a few days. He wants to make sure he's awake if anything happens, but he understands the need for rest.
But Shiro says he's okay. Keith has to trust that. He doesn't have it in him to try and pick it apart right now. He needs to move. Get the blood flowing again. It takes everything to let go of the controls and let Black take over for a bit. They're not in any danger and she can fly herself for now. There's a brief surge of reassurance from her.
A breath. Two breaths. Then Keith is up on his feet and walking to Shiro, arms stretching over his head; he hadn't realized until just now how cramped his legs feel. But looking down at Shiro, safe, alive, and able to rest lifts his spirits in a second.]
Yeah. Think Black's got it covered unless anything comes up.
[He watches Shiro keenly, assessing the damage. The exhaustion.]
How're you feeling?
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[It's a word wrapped in a heavy exhalation, and Shiro gets to his feet as well, sets his hand on Keith's shoulder. It's meant as reassurance, he doesn't mean to tighten his fingers when his balance falters.]
I have to say, I've been better.
[He tosses a smile in on the tail end of the word, a little apologetic. Physically, there isn't much wrong with him that time won't heal. The Galra prosthesis-- he won't miss it. It was helpful, but having something done to him against his will, having something alien melded to him, fused to the bone-- it always made his skin crawl when he thought about it too closely. Pidge and Hunk think they can design something new.
(The clone didn't have to lose an arm at all. He wonders if Haggar bothered to do it when he was unconscious.)
But there's no use pretending that everything is okay otherwise. Keith might not call him out on it, but he'd feel bad for having done it. He doesn't want to lie. The clone's memories of Haggar forcing words out of his mouth he didn't mean - never would have meant - is still too raw a wound.
His attention flickers, from Keith's eyes to the scar. Away.]
I have to ask, though. Have you decided on a name? [A nod to the dog.] I've just been calling her - him? - Wolfie.
[He has a fantastic imagination, thanks.]
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We.. kinda did the same when we found them. Not that good at naming things.
[Keith kneels down, petting along the dogs muzzle and head, letting his fingers sink into its fur. He doesn't know if it's a him or a her, or if this species even has that. There's a lot he doesn't know about it if he's honest. It leans in to nose at his face and he smiles; alien or not, still has a wet dog nose.]
If they didn't growl at you, it's probably an okay name. [He looks up to Shiro again, still petting the dog.] They haven't been bothering you, have they?
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Seeing him interact so unselfconsciously with something - even an animal - does make him smile. Soft, genuine. An animal can be a source of honest comfort in dark times, and he's glad Keith has them.]
No, he's-- [a slight pause. correctively:] they've been great.
[He's slept very little, but once when he was dozing he found himself dipping into the realm of nightmares, and the creature had come and nosed him awake. Let him grip at its fur, perhaps too tightly, as he came back to himself. He doesn't know if Keith was aware of it or not. Either way, he hadn't mentioned it.
He doesn't crouch, but he does hold his hand out for the creature. It pauses a little, and then butts its head into his hand, laving its tongue across his palm.]
But maybe we should call them something else.
[There's a surge of sensation from Black. Something warm, welcoming. Familial. She likes the wolf-creature too. Not quite a Lion, but something with the heart of one. Shiro cocks his head to one side.]
How about 'Shadow'? I mean-- still not that original, but I don't know. I think it fits.
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[Keith can't help smiling watching them. Shiro, alive and well and back with him, his mother not far away, and his wolf comfortable and familiar with Shiro here. It's everything he could have wanted.
He just had to fight through hell to get it. And for the first time in his life, he feels like he deserves this.]
Better than the names me and mom came up with. Should probably find out if it's a he or a she. Never really checked. [Which should have been something he did while they were waiting. He'd kept getting distracted each time there was a flash of memories from them both, or brief flashes of the future fighting Shiro.]
...Shiro, I'm-- [Even after everything, facing down putting his emotions into proper words is...difficult. He'd managed to do it there at the station because he was sure that was going to be the end for them both. That he'd needed to say it before they were gone. Now ...It's something he's come to terms with but has to try saying it again.]
I'm glad you're here.
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(A killing thrust. No, he isn't going to think about that. Haggar put that in a mind that isn't even his own. The words echo, he scrambles to shut them out. The center must hold.]
I know it wasn't me.
[He says that calmly enough, but he still meets Keith's eyes.]
But this body and what inhabited it almost killed you, Keith.
[I don't understand how you can say that. He was gentle and encouraging to a boy that needed a family, a friend, but there are -- there should be limits. He's been a leader all his life, he knows that he has what it takes to inspire people, he's aware that others are drawn to him, that there have been many who would follow him into battle and more than a few that have died because of it, but this is perhaps the first time that he feels that devotion keenly enough that it cuts right down to the soul. He can barely stand to look at himself, he has no idea how Keith can.]
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...I'd known it was going to happen. I was prepared for it.
[He'd done his best to stay calm and talk Shiro down over the comms. Kept his voice steady when he'd stalked toward Keith with the intent to kill. He'd tried to stay on defense until it was clear he had to weaken the clone a little bit to try.]
The Quantum Abyss... It had these strange flashes. Couldn't tell you how often, it was hard to tell. But during the flashes, I'd get memories of mom's or... Flashes of the future. I saw the fight.
I knew everything.
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He just. Looks down at his hand. You should have let go. He thinks it'd be a cruelty to say it. Keith isn't that sort of man. His loyalty, once earned, is an intransigent thing.]
You risked your life. And Black's.
[His expression flickers. He doesn't know if he should be chastising Keith for his recklessness, or thanking him.]
If you'd died, the Paladins would have been without a leader. You can't risk that for me, Keith. Any-- any version of me.
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[He finally sits next to him, reaching to pet Shadow's fur, that tail thumping happily against the floor now getting double the pets. He smiles - peaceful, tired, content.]
I didn't plan on coming back without you.
[It's a small thing, but powerful. Either he came back with Shiro, or neither came back at all. He knew he'd made up his mind when the fight started. Black though... He can't thank her enough for saving them. He likely never will be able to.]
Now we're here, and you're all right.
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[No, there's no point arguing. Keith would never give up on him, either.
Shiro just sighs, and then leans against Keith's shoulder, head down. The height difference makes it awkward, but he's so tired he doesn't even care.]
You need to put yourself first sometimes.
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I did, this time. [He'd wanted Shiro back. He knew Shiro wouldn't have wanted to be like that, he knows the team and the universe need Shiro, but he also wanted Shiro back. His want is nothing compared to the vast need of everyone, a blip in the horizon. But he couldn't ignore it entirely.]
Besides, I got two years to do nothing but think about myself.
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Yeah? Why don't you tell me about it?
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no subject
Since Kerberos, Keith never thought he'd get something as nice as this. Not a time to stop and breathe, not a house and a dog, not... someone he can be like this with. He breathes in deep, noses at Shiro's chest, then swivels to sit up over the side of the bed.
The storm is still going, but it sounds a little lighter. It isn't as intense, the waves taking longer and longer between hits. The little iridescent creature flies to sit on his knee. It's cheeping annoyedly.]
What? I... don't know what you eat.
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It liked berries, last time.
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What berries [What last time?]
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[That's the best he's got. They aren't anything he recognizes, but they tasted sharp and slightly sweet, and you were in that healing pod for a while, Keith. Geeze, do you think Shiro didn't look after the pets?]
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[Keith leans down and kisses his temple. It takes him a minute to remember where his boxers went. It's through ridiculous effort he gets them on, doesn't even bother with anything else before going downstairs. He listens to the sounds of the house, the couple of creatures around. It's peaceful, if he lets himself stop and think about it.
But they can't stay here. They can keep it secret, but not stay.
He makes his way back up, a little bowl of the blue berry things, and a couple glasses of water.]
Hope these are the right ones.
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He's thirsty, but not so thirsty that he reaches for one of the glasses. He just huffs a breath to make room.]
Looks like. How'd you sleep?
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[He sits on the edge of the bed by Shiro, popping one of the berries into his mouth. He didn't eat these before and now he wishes he had. He smiles a little and leans over to press one to Shiro's cheek.]
Looks like you slept well too.
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I did. First time in a while.
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Good. [Shiro needed it. They both did.] We should probably get up and clean up.
[The fact he only seems to be leaning on Shiro more says he wants otherwise.]
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[He wants to stay here. He wants to let Keith continue to rest, but the truth is-- Shiro is a man of duty. He always has been, and can't in good conscience be anything else. He sits up slowly, rubs a hand back through his hair.]
You're right. If we can find one of the particle generators and modify its area of effect, we should be able to burn the creature under it without risking ourselves or the others. Or adding toxic fumes to the atmosphere.
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Works for me. We'll get it done.
[He still isn't making a lot of effort to get up again.]
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Come on.
[He gets up, stretches out his shoulder. He's still half-dressed, but finding his shirt takes considerably more effort than he was expecting. Somehow, it's under the bed.]
After we're done with this, we can have a look at that speeder.
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