whatsacactus | (no subject)

[That hits him. Harder in some ways than he could have ever imagined. His elbow is resting on the arm of the chair, he briefly drops his head into his hand. His breathing is unsteady, he has to fight to control it.]

All right. Thank you.

[Shit. Keith's watching him warily, holding that creature a little closer.]

Y-yeah. You're welcome.

[He looks down at the small thing, petting along its wing. And waits.]

[It's the little stutter that brings him back to the moment. This isn't about him. He straightens up, shakes his head.]

Okay.

[He takes another breath.]

Is this something you'd... want to tell the others about?

...I don't know.

[Reason goes to show they might have already suspected Shiro and Keith were something more. But never asked out of respect. Who knows.]

I think maybe figure it out first at least.

[A slight little huff of laughter.]

Right. Getting ahead of myself. Sorry.

[He reaches out to scratch the little griffon creature along its side. Gently. It makes a sort of... mrrling sound at him and flaps its small wings lazily.]

So where do you stand now?

[Tough.]

...I still feel the same. That hasn't changed. But I don't want you to feel like you have to do anything. Or feel uncomfortable.

If you don't feel the same, that's fine, Shiro.

I kissed you because I wanted to. Not because I felt obligated.

[He wants to make that much Very Clear. Because he knows that if he was even the slightest bit vague about it, Keith would torture himself with guilt until the end of time.]

I don't know yet if I feel the same, but I know I love you.

[Shiro cares about everyone. He's always been free and easy with his affections. But he loves Keith.]

And I want to... try. I can't guarantee it'll go the way you want, but. I want to try.

[Shiro saying he wanted to do that puts some of his nerves at ease.]

...Guess it's a bad time to say I don't really know what I want? Never... thought about something serious like this.

Well, that makes two of us.

[Ha, ha. They're definitely both adults who know what they're doing.]

I haven't-- not since Aisha.

[She and Shiro dated early on when he knew Keith. They got along well, though they were never close. But when his duties at the garrison started taking up more and more of his time, they'd made the mutual decision to break it off. There was never any animosity about it, and Shiro hadn't bothered dating again. He wasn't one for casual hook-ups or flings, either, so that really is the sum of his experience.]

Mm.

[Keith sort of remembers her. Like an additional asterisk to that point in their life. He remembers Shiro being happy with her, laughing. But then one day he noticed she hadn't been around as much anymore. He never asked why. Too young to really care.

He never had anything serious like that. Nothing so exclusionary. but he's definitely been with some guys. Maybe not the best moment to mention it.]

Remember her. She was nice.

She liked you a lot.

[It was one of the reasons Shiro had been so tender with her. She had a big heart and she wasn't afraid to wear it on her sleeve. She was kind to everyone but she'd certainly been no one's doormat. They spoke just before he left for the Kerberos mission, and she wished him well. He hopes that whatever she's done in her life, it's gone well for her.

But being with her had never really felt-- right. It was comfortable, but that doesn't mean it fit.]

I just mean, I don't really know what I want either. Let's just... take it one day at a time.

[He nods, seeing Shadow sort of settle down by Shiro's chair. The warm ball of fluff in his arm. It's nice. All of this.

It can't last. Eventually the storm has to let up and they have to go back.

But for now, this is nice.]

One day at a time, then.

[He makes a soft, contented noise of agreement, reaching out to tangle his hand in the ruff at Shadow's neck. The wolf leans into him, craning her head around to lick at his palm.

Black, at the edge of his conscious mind, feels downright smug. Shiro blinks, and then--]

Oh.

[It clicks into place. Wryly,]

Can you feel that too?

[He feels a sense of it. Not as strongly as Shiro, he doesn't have the extended astral plane connection Shiro had but it's enough.]

A little bit.

Guess she did know what she was doing.

[He just huffs.]

She brought us out here to play matchmaker? The others are gonna be so pissed.

[But he says it with a smile. It's only a little bit shy, joking like that is still kind of a new thing.]

Or we could just tell them it was to help bond more.

[Not a lie, but they all have to bond with their lions too. Who knows.]

We could think of something.

I'm fine with just... omitting the entire truth.

[He shrugs a bit, lifting up his good shoulder.]

But I am, uh-- I'm really beat, Keith. I think I'm going to try and get some sleep.

[He didn't get much the night before. Or the one before that. And his leg is throbbing so badly he can feel his heartbeat with every passing tick. Before he stands--]

Are we good?

[He nods, watching him carefully. He'll follow Shiro up, make sure he doesn't need a second hand.]

I am, unless there's anything else you want to ask me.

No. Nothing comes to mind.

[He hesitates a moment, and then... just holds out a hand.]

You know, you're not out of the woods yet with that infection. I should keep an eye on you, too.

[He reaches for it slowly. Some anxious part of him is sure Shiro will change his mind any second.]

I-I know. [He forgot, he's so used to ignoring pain.] Thanks, Shiro.

You don't have to thank me for looking out for you.

[It's what they do. Regardless of anything else, it's what they've always done. But Shiro certainly does let Keith lead the way up the stairs, keeping their hands linked the whole while.

And then it's just a matter of crawling into the bed facedown and sort of... sprawling. The sheets have been replaced (again) so any gunk or food or two-years-without-a-shower-smell have long since been eradicated. It's comfortable, warm, and there's still a beautiful view of the storm that he shifts to look at.]

[Well. Watching Shiro crawl onto the bed face down isn't a view he would have asked for, but is grateful to get. He feels almost allowed to look now.

But for the moment, he pulls his attention away to help tug the blanket up to cover Shiro. He's grateful for this. For the time, for the talking. Thankful that Shiro agreed to keep this place secret.]

...Think you could stand some company?

[you doofus, you had to ask?? Shiro just looks at him.]

I didn't bring you up here so you could stand awkwardly at the bedside all night, Keith.

[Plus, the bed's huge. So... that's a bonus. Not that Shiro plans to do anything in it, because that's moving way too fast. But he and Keith have always been physically comfortable with each other.]

[He huffs out a little laugh and moves to climb in the other side. The sheets are clean and fresh, the weather outside - while rough - is still awe inspiring. The little griffon sort of flops out of his arm and onto the bed, looks around, then settles somewhere on the pillow Keith was planning to use.]

Oh. I guess make yourself at home then. [He only sounds a little put off, but clearly not serious with how he's grinning. Instead, he just lays on his side, not bothering with a pillow.]

How long do you think it'll go for?

I don't know.

[Look, there are many pillows. Clearly Zarkon was living the good life while he was here, so Shiro pulls one from where it's tucked between his pillow and the headboard and nudges it towards Keith.]

Judging by how much was dead beyond the radius of the dome... could be weeks. I'd hate to be gone from the others that long, but I'm not sure we could safely venture out in this, either. Once we're both recovered we should give it a try.