whatsacactus | the clone lives

[ Black feels familiar, comfortable in a way that surprises him and more than that, feels that he doesn't deserve. Haggar's influence has faded bit by bit, with time, distance, and the loss of his arm, but the directive still scratches at the inside of his head like it's trying to claw its way out. He can't let it, can't let her, but knows that he can't fight her forever.

Digging his teeth into the inside of his cheek, Shiro (if he even has the right to call himself that, and isn't that funny) tries not to look at Keith, not wanting the overwhelming press of Haggar to sweep over him. Through gritted teeth: ]

Shut up.

[ It's for his own protection. ]

[He can't help but wince. He focuses instead on piloting. Black wasn't in the best shape when he originally landed and still isn't now, even if she did save them. Eyes forward. Hands on the controls.

But his voice is quiet, still sore and hoarse from the fight.] Sorry.

[ Every inch of him aches, like he's one big, black and blue bruise after everything they've been through. Nothing he hasn't suffered before, but it feels worse this time, knowing that he'd done his best to beat Keith even harder, so focused on win that he hadn't been able to do anything else.

Shuddering, Shiro tugs his knees to his chest despite the way it makes his chest ache and his breathing go short, and then folds in on himself, face tucked into the corner of his arm thrown over his knees. If he can't see Keith, he won't know where they're going. If Keith doesn't talk, the impulse to kill will fade, maybe.

Sorry.

His hand tightens into a fist, aching with how tightly he holds it, not wanting to find out if they could fight in here. He's held back for the time being, but if there's one thing he's good at it, it's killing. He can't allow that. Not for Keith. ]

What part of 'shut up'-- [ Shiro makes a frustrated noise and reaches blindly out to Black, feeling the warm press of her against the ice of Haggar's magic. It helps, however little. ] You should have just left me. I wasn't supposed to leave.

[ He was supposed to die there, and so was Keith. If he died but Keith survived, that would be the best possible solution to all issues but he doubted that he would be that lucky. That they had both survived was a surprise, but Keith was smart, he was pragmatic. He knows that Shiro isn't himself, he should have known to leave him. ]

[Keith's fingers sting with how tightly he grips the controls. Two years. Two years he stayed traveling, isolated with only his mother and the cosmic wolf. Two years to talk, to share, to learn how to articulate how he feels.

And he'd done it. He'd told Shiro how he feels, even if he wasn't himself that moment, even if Shiro doesn't remember. But he'd said it. I love you. If he said it once, then he could possibly say it again.

Instead he's quiet. I couldn't just leave you behind echoing in his thoughts and through Black. She agrees.]

[ His arm - or lack of an arm, really, aches. It's a different sort of ache than he expected; rather than the bone-deep ache of the rest of his body, it's sharper, more of a distraction. Every so often he shifts, tries to brace himself only to realize it's not there, it's fallen to wherever everything else had when they'd destroyed the platform.

Black had saved them. She could have just saved Keith, but she'd saved him, too. Shiro feels the impression of Keith's response through her and feels it echoed by her a moment later and shoves hard at both of them mentally, trying to lock them out. ]

Yes, you could have. Should have.

[After everything that's happened, a mental shove is the last thing he needs. It's the falling down after trying to walk away from a wreck that makes it the worse. He grits his teeth, trying to bear it with Black softening it just a bit.

He can feel it, the way Black had wanted to save Shiro. She had no intention of leaving him as soon as it was clear Haggar was controlling him. Keith is sure there's still residual control there, and maybe that's why Shiro's talking like this. He doesn't hate him, isn't mad. It stings, but .... It'll be fine.]

No.

[Shiro doesn't want him to talk, but keeps saying things he knows Keith will have a reaction to. So he keeps it short and simple.]

[ He can't keep the block up for long, no matter how much he wishes he could. It's impossible to fight both of them, and Haggar, so he stops fighting Black and feels her twine around him once more, soothing the ragged edges Haggar's left behind of him. ]

Then you really are as-- [ The venom is back before he catches himself and bites his tongue, forcing himself to stop. None of it's true, none of what he wants to say is true or how he feels but he knows just how to get in under Keith's ribs and go for the heart. ]

You need to kill me or contain me. Better have a plan for when you land.

No.

[He's adamant about it. He has no reason to do either, he's sure of it. He'll get them home. Get Pidge and Hunk and Allura to look at his arm and his head and see what they can do to help get rid of Haggar's influence on him.

They'll make this work. He knows they will. They have to.]

Few more vargas.

Yes.

[ It's borderline a growl, a snarl as that anger rises up in him again and leaves him digging his fingers harshly into his thigh. ]

You're supposed to be responsible for them.

[ It's his duty to keep the other paladins safe, if they're even still alive. He'd tried his best, the best he knew how to follow through with what Haggar demanded of him which meant there was a very real chance that Keith was flying into a whole bunch of nothing and he didn't know. God--

Shiro sucks in a fortifying breath and forces himself to speak because Keith needs to know. ]

They might not be there.

They're stronger than Haggar gives them credit for.

[He trusts that they found a way. He has to. He knows they're strong, especially if they stuck together.

The controls feel different under his hands now, and he looks down to see a miscolored wetness under his hands, bleeding through the cuts in his gloves. There's a lot of blood he's realizing, as the pain starts to creep in as the adrenaline fades.

He takes a shaking breath, his voice quivering and giving way to his exhaustion.]

They'll be there.

It wasn't Haggar who sabotaged the Castle.

[ She was brilliant, but she wouldn't have known how to do what Shiro did, because he'd been with Pidge when she was working on all of this.

He had paid attention, because he wanted to understand and spend time with her and because Haggar needed him to know, even if he hadn't fully understood it at the time. When he looked now he could see all the hints of where her influence had directed him and he hadn't understood. Keith inhales and Shiro hears it, can picture him hunched over the controls, bruised and battered because of Shiro's fists. ]

You can't pass out. I won't be able to fight it.

I won't. [He swallows hard, throat hurting.] Have to pilot. Keep talking to you.

[He'll be fine. He has to be, he has to get Shiro home. He hadn't known Shiro sabotaged the castle. He'd only said that he saw to it they'd be dead by now, but no details.

His breath breaks on the next exhale. Shiro saying he won't be able to fight it. Shiro admitting he wants to fight it. If Keith can help with that, then he can fight to stay awake.]

Great.

[ Just what he wanted. There's no shortage of mockery to the way he draws the word out, shaking his head where it's buried against his arm.

As if that's not fun enough if Keith's using this conversation to stay awake then that's just another level of fun onto this whole experience. Shiro constantly aware Keith is there because he has to talk to stay awake so Shiro doesn't kill him. Fantastic. Talking Keith into a fight won't work either, not right now. Shiro knows him too well; he'd just fight it or do the opposite because he's stubborn in the worst way. ]

You can't lead them if you're dead.

Neither can you.

[While he knows he's capable now, he thinks maybe... If they could figure it out, just maybe they could lead together.

A dream, he knows. But maybe. Black accepted them both. It stands to reason either of them could do this.

Not this second though. Right now, it has to be Keith until they can get this sorted out.]

I can try to teleport us there, but... [He doesn't have much energy left in him. He isn't sure what might happen if he tries.]

[ He doesn't intend to, doesn't deserve to but as much fun as that argument would be to have, he's certainly not going to try and have it. Pick your battles, even if you would really not rather have any at all. They're moving too slow to get there to warn them but Shiro doesn't want to find out what happens if Keith tries to teleport them but it takes too much out of him. ]

No.

[ Even now he can hear the strain in Keith's voice and hates how it instantly translates into weakness, and the knowledge that he could kill him, most likely, if he really, really tried. It may not be easy but it'd be possible, and Haggar would be so proud of him. She would be so pleased if he just -- ]

Don't risk it.

[ Instead, he tears himself open to Black, letting her prowl through his mind and fill up all the places where Haggar isn't, cutting through her like a hot knife through butter. It won't last, but it's enough for him to give her a push, letting her use him to teleport them forward so Keith doesn't have to. Better he's the weaker one. His eyes aren't open so he can't see where they end up, but he feels the jerk of his stomach as Black uses him. ]

[The breath gets knocked out of him when he feels the shift and then the surge forward. Even if he'd only done it once, it's unmistakable what it is. Black doesn't confirm it, her attention is elsewhere and that's all he needs for confirmation.

But Shiro told him not to risk teleporting. There is some part of the Shiro that Keith fought for still there.

He doesn't have the moment to even ask. They come to a stop an eternity later. He jolts forward with the stop, gasping loudly from the seat. How did Shiro know to do that? Or did Black encourage it? He isn't sure.]

Shiro, you-- You got us here?

[He looks out and there they are, the Castle in front of them and looking like it's fine. The pop into his comm tells him they're alive enough. They'll work on docking and getting out, but he tells them first he has Shiro. He promises to explain everything, but to please give them some room when they get there.]

[ There's something else when Black reaches out to him. Something that prickles along his consciousness and that he ought to know or understand but can't for some reason. Like trying to look at stars when dealing with a city; if he looks too close the hints vanish but he catches them from the corner of his eye.

Whatever it is, it's why Black will allow him to pilot her but it's clear he's not first or second choice by any means. At least it worked, even if he's not entirely certain how it happened.

The Castle is still there too, against the odds. Pidge had managed to override it somehow and saved all of them. The relief that hits him drowns out the rest of Haggar's influence for a moment and he's able to lift his head and stare out to see the Castle right there. Failure had never felt so relieving. ]

...Apparently.

[Thank you he whispers to Black in his mind. She knew where to take them, got them there safe.

They dock, and Keith doesn't get up immediately. It takes everything in him to pry his fingers off the controls. Sits for another minute getting his breath. Each individual bruise, every cut, every burn and slash he got is present and accounted for. The burn on his cheek is the worst as he gets up.

Keith stops in front of Shiro, waiting before holding his hand out.]

They'll be out of the way when we go in.

[ The Castle is whole and so is he. Two impossible things in one day.

The Castle is whole, and so is he, and Haggar's fury suddenly pounds at him as Keith rises up and offers him a hand. Victory or death: the saying had been beaten into him over, and over, and over again. He wasn't victorious: all of the paladins yet lived, but so does he.

The impulse is too much to fight the moment he so much as looks at Keith; there's no time to stop himself. With a jolt, he's kicking himself up and throwing himself against Keith's knees to take him down, groping to choke him with his only remaining hand. ]

[Almost an entire varga with no rest, no stopping, no time. Keith goes down like a sack of bricks with the lunge, crying out from the way his muscles spasm and the bruises hurt down to his bones. And in seconds, there's something strong and firm squeezing at his throat and he coughs trying to get them off, pull them loose, but he's so tired.

His voice is barely audible, broken up with everything.] Sh-shiro.... Don-n't do this.

[ The relief he feels at submitting is so good that he wants to collapse. It was so hard to fight her, next to impossible because she was so strong and he was only really half a person, on a good day. Now that he's not fighting her everything is so much easier, the aches fade away and everything is crystal clear again. Under him, Keith's bruised and dirtied, his hair longer than Shiro's used to, his shoulders broader. It's still new enough that he pauses for a moment, hand fitted to Keith's throat but not lowering any more.

Shiro, don't do this.

He'd warned Keith. He'd been worried about this exact scenario and not even Black thrashing in his mind is enough to shake his grasp despite the exhaustion tugging at him. Victory or death. Shiro grits his teeth and tries to fight, but just feels his fingers clench down harder. He can't stop, it's too hard to stop but desperately, he casts a look around the small cabin. He can't choke Keith and defend himself missing an arm like this, but the word are too hard to get out. ]

Iverson's fifth rule--

[ He chokes it out through the press of Haggar's influence blanketing him, willing Keith to remember the spiel Iverson gave them on their first day which ranged from one to ten, with five being: never leave yourself open to attack. ]

[He'd hated it at the time, those years at the Garrison. He'd stayed for Shiro, and to get a license to fly. But the rules, the military training, those he had never cared for. But for Shiro's sake, Keith had memorized them.

It's hazy now; it's been years and so much has happened. Also the hand slowly squeezing his windpipe shut.

Fifth, five five five. He feels Black's panic and rage around him, feels the moment he can't breathe and he tries to keep himself present.

Open to attack.

He carefully tries to form a fist without it being noticed. He only has the energy to do this once, and surprise to only make it happen once. He rears his hand back and slams it, aiming for the jaw.]

[ It hits, and Shiro's head gets snapped back. He doesn't fight it, the pain enough to shock him back into himself and allows him to return to fighting the real enemy: Haggar. He just hopes Keith has the sense to keep away right then. ]

Stay-- stay back.

[ Easier if he doesn't look at Keith despite how his instincts scream to never look away from an enemy and certainly don't let an enemy land a blow on you that knocks you off of them. Shuddering, he goes to his hand and knees, pressing his forehead to the cold metal of Black's floor, reaching out to Black's shut off to him now that they're back safe. ]

Knock me out or lock me in here but do it soon

[Keith is stunned for just a moment before he rolls over, coughing against the floor. His lungs burn, trying desperately to get air faster than his throat can stop hurting. He hears Shiro saying something to him, but there's a ringing in his ear that's blocking out everything.

He glances at Shiro across the cockpit from him now. He hadn't wanted to do that, that was Haggar taking advantage of a moment. So she still has some control over him, even here. He can't keep himself propped up long, his arms shaking holding him up. So he lays down, face against the cold metal.]

Fight it, Shiro... You have to fight it.

[ Magcuffs- there have to be magcuffs in here somewhere, just in case. He remembers storing a pair somewhere, not out of any worry about transporting criminals but more concerned with preparation. Truthfully he hadn't anticipated needing to use them on himself. ]

You pick -- the worst times to stop listening to me.

[ That's not the rage-filled killing machine, that's Shiro at his most exhausted with Keith not listening, the way he got during long Garrison shifts when he helped Keith study for exams or sneak into practice piloting because he had full access.

Groping for the cuffs, Shiro digs into a drawer, finds them and promptly fits one around his wrist and slams the other end to the wall, pinning him there with his arm unable to move. Finally, he slumps over, knowing it'll get uncomfortable soon but the relief at knowing he can't attack Keith right then is too much to bear. ]

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