whatsacactus | the clone lives

[ The consideration doesn't go unnoticed despite how out of it Shiro is. Keith comes first; that hasn't changed. The world shifts in and out briefly; he's aware of moving and then he's sitting on the cot and no one else but the dog and Keith are around, food and water nearby, and Keith's gripping him in turn. ]

Keith-

[ What can he say, though? How many times did he lead them somewhere, anywhere, when he wasn't at his best? When Lance was injured and Sendak was on the ship, Shiro'd still given orders, still done missions. Krolia nods at the two of them, eyes flicking to her son and Shiro figures that has to be enough. She' watching out for him; he can trust that.

He can't fault Keith for doing the same and can't trust himself to give them, so he curls onto his side on the cot, heavily, and promptly loses time, flickering in and out between dozing and memories of what this...other him had done. ]

[Keith hesitates letting go of his arm, but he does. He has to go fly.

It's only some hours later of flying and nearly falling asleep in the seat when he jerks awake again. Keith is insistent on continuing forward, but he's only stopped by Krolia. There are soft whispers and and a sigh before he gets up, patting the wolf on the head on his way to the back of the lion. He's obviously agreeing to something and comes back in, plopping himself down on the cot next to him.]

Looks like Krolia got everyone to agree to shifts while the lions fly themselves. Everyone needs to rest. [He doesn't include himself in that. Not really. But after everything, he wasn't about to argue with his mother.]

Edited 2018-06-18 00:39 (UTC)

[ He doesn't sleep so much as he drifts. Distantly, he's aware of the others talking over the comms and when he rouses again, it's to the feeling of the cot bouncing faintly with weight on it. It's not the wolf-fox-thing, it's too heavy for that. Instead, when he cracks his eyes open, it's Keith settling there, broader and harder than Shiro remembers leaving him.

It's a war; of course, there would be sacrifices and understandably there would be injuries or difficult parts. Shiro'd known and understood that but it was one thing to know about it and another altogether to see the result of it, the scar on Keith's face, the way he looks as if every bit of him has been ground down until just the exhaustion is left.

He wouldn't blame Keith if he didn't want to lay down here, so he sits up gingerly, grimacing at the way his body aches. ]

I can take over Black for a while.

[Keith notes Shiro sitting up, but shakes his head.]

She's on auto-pilot. Knows where we're going.

[It's the first chance he's had to really stop. To let what happened since the Quantum Abyss sink in. It's a reality he hadn't expected, but fought for. He takes a slow breath, brushes his hair out of his eyes and looks to Shiro. He can never help how his eyes soften at him, even when he can barely stay up.]

You should still rest. There's no pod on board, but we've got plenty of time.

[While he wants Shiro to rest, there's the smallest part of him that hopes he's up for talking.]

[ There's no pod on the castle, either, which means they're out of commission for a while. He wants to ask how bruised and injured Keith is, wants to spend time going over each inch of him to make sure that he's not bleeding internally or worse off than Shiro thought but he hasn't really earned the right to do that, has he? Some team leader. ]

I'll move over.

[ And by 'move over' he means press himself far back against the wall, watching Keith warily. It isn't that he doesn't trust Keith; he does, with every fiber of his being. It's more that he worries about everything that's happened and how they're going to deal with it. ]

How are you feeling?

[The laugh that comes out of him is breathless, mirthless. A tired ha as he smiles at the floor.

How are you feeling.

Two years of what was effectively a vacation and intense camping trip, then jumping into 3 days of nonstop flying and fighting now to this. Even if he'd been prepared for what was going to happen from the future glimpses, it still hurt. Hearing those words straight from Shiro was a knife through the ribs, twisting. He'd hoped it wouldn't happen, despite his best efforts.

Shiro moves as far away as he can; Keith in turn leans back against the opposite wall, taking up as little space as he can manage. He's still adjusting to being bigger in the Lion's space. He jumps a little when he feels the weight of the wolf leap into the space between them.]

Like I got thrown in a blender for a few days.

[ He doesn't trust himself to ask where they're going - if they're heading to Earth right now or if they're making a stop first. It's too dangerous to let Haggar know anything and until he's cleared and they are certain that he's not dangerous to either of them, he needs to be cautious.

Keith settles next to him but there's a space between them that the dog quickly fills, pushing its muzzle back under Shiro's jaw while the tail smacks both of them as it wags. ]

Yeah. Sounds about right, honestly.

[ Shiro curls an arm around one of the pillows and gingerly settles onto his side, breathing through the ache of his chest. ]

Did someone look you over yet?

[Keith watches them; his dog has some good instincts they realized during those two years. He trusts it now too.]

Not much time to. Coran and Hunk gave me a quick look over, but we had to get moving before... [Before they lost the castle.]

It wasn't that important then.

[He reaches to pet the dog's back, closer to its butt as she tries to nuzzle at Shiro's face.]

...It likes you.

[ Shiro's always liked animals, even if he never had any of his own. Gently, he curls himself around her as she licks over his cheek, and buries his face in her fur for a moment. Things aren't normal but they're getting somewhere. His team is safe. Keith has his mother with him. Keith's safe for a given meaning of the word. ]

Did you get it when you were with your mom?

[ He doesn't miss the way she's listening to them, even if their voices are soft and she isn't facing them. He'd be protective, too. ]

I remember -- parts. Pieces. Enough to know what happened but not the details.

[So he remembers a few things, like his mom. This is the most normal he's felt with Shiro in so long. Keith takes a slow breath and leans his head against the wall.]

Yeah. We-- We found these creatures that could sail through the abyss. They were big enough to sustain life on them like a planet, and [he nods to the dog] we saw it crash like a shooting star. Saved it, and it stayed with us since.

She's been good to have with us.

[He pets through her fur absently, needing the repetitive action for a moment.]

What else do you remember?

[ Enough to be dangerous, maybe. ]

You crashed, huh? We're not really great at staying out of trouble, guess you'll fit right in.

[ Shiro's voice goes low and soft, scratching at her chin as her tongue lolls out and her tail wags even more furiously, thudding against Keith every time it comes to his side. ]

Everyone sitting in Black. Some of the battles. Bits and pieces I picked up when you were in here, or someone else as.

[ A pause, this one longer, more uncertain. ]

Everything the clone remembered.

[It takes him a minute to remember what he's talking about. Everyone sitting in Black... Back when he'd first disappeared. He hadn't thought much about that time, but looking back, he'd reacted pretty badly. Hung up on Shiro being gone and ruining a diplomacy meeting... But if he had to do it over, he'd do it the same, Keith thinks.

His eyes go wide for half a breath when he mentions the clone. Swallows the lump in his throat, those words playing back with harsh clarity. Should have abandoned you. Broken and Worthless.

He looks down at the tail thumping against him, hand slowing a little.]

Sorry we didn't realize it sooner.

[ 'The clone' he says as if it's...not just him, but with Haggar's influence. As if it's not him in this body, belonging but not really belonging because he's two separate people who happen to be the same. It's a mess and he wouldn't blame them if they didn't want to deal with it, but Keith will. Keith will get stubborn if Shiro tries to convince him to do anything else so Shiro stays there on the cot and tilts his head enough to watch Keith's hand slow its petting.

The dog lifts her head and gives Keith a look, a very clear well? ]

It's not your fault. I wasn't able to say anything either, my connection wasn't strong enough and half the time I was lost anyway.

[ Gingerly, he sits up enough to shift closer, but doesn't dare touch Keith yet. ]

None of this was your fault. You wouldn't have known.

[He should have known. He was in Black more often than anyone since that battle. He'd promised Shiro nothing would happen to him, but he died. And Keith hadn't even realized. Instead, he'd spent weeks, longer even, searching the wreckage for him. He wanted to avoid that reality, so much that he didn't realize a cloned copy when he saw it.

His dog shifts, nosing at his hand and shifting under it with a little whimper-grumble. Keith takes a wet inhale, blinks a few times, exhales out shaky.]

What else can I tell you?

[He doesn't want to talk about Shiro being dead. How he'd failed him like that.]

I don't know about the parts I was gone for, but I can try to fill in some gaps.

[ Shiro isn't an idiot, he knows that Keith's upset. The problem isn't that he's unable to understand, it's that he doesn't know what to do. None of the normal rules apply and Keith's different, now. Broader and more sure of himself and a leader now in all the ways he knew Keith would be. ]

I'm not going to make you summarize the last few years.

[ There's faint amusement in his voice even if it's exhausted. ]

Keith...thank you. For everything you've done.

[Something behind his sternum seems to crack at that. 'Everything you've done'. He hasn't done anything except keep Shiro alive. And even then...

He scratches under the dog's chin, trying to focus. He knows Krolia is watching, and he's not about to have a break down in front of them both.]

What else can I answer? [His voice cracks at the end there, trying to hold it together. Try to stay in one piece, not letting himself fall apart. Shiro needs him to keep it together.]

I'm- I feel like... there's a lot to catch up on.

There are years.

[ Years to catch up on, to try and make sense of and doing it on unsteady ground. He thinks he remembers Keith saying I love you, but doesn't know how much was real and how much was imagined. He's not going to push on that, though, not when there's so much else to worry about, to think of.

He has a question, though, even if he's not sure he wants to ask it.]

Tell me why we're going home?

[Ah. That's easy to answer. But it doesn't make his tone any less sad to talk about it.]

The castle's gone. Pidge had given a copy of the plans to her father who went back to Earth so....

[He shrugs, the dog resting her head on his thigh and watching him. She seems a little distracted knowing they both need comfort, but Keith is who she knows best here. He strokes along her head gently.]

I'm not sure what else we'll do there, but we're getting those plans to build a new Castle.

[ The Castleship.

Shiro feels his stomach flip upside down in an instant at remembering that oh, God, he'd set the ship up to blow. Maybe not him, but it was at the same time. He remembered it, like his hands were doing it because they were his. He'd forced them to blow up their home and Coran and Allura had so little left already.

He can't look at Keith, not right now, so he stares straight at his curled fist, knuckles white. ]

I see.

[ What else can he say? There aren't enough apologies in the world, especially to Keith, who Shiro desperately wants to feel at home somewhere. ]

We should stop somewhere and figure out how dangerous I am before we get there. You don't want - you don't need a liability, or a threat.

I know. We'll have to make a few stops along the way. Earth is going to take a while to get to without the wormhole jumps.

[He'd made sure Hunk and Pidge both knew that even if it was Shiro's soul and mind back, it was still a clone body. Machine. Something they would work on together out of their earshot.

But Shiro's fist-- Keith watches it, looks at his face, then takes the chance. He makes sure to telegraph his movement, leaning forward and reaching but just hovering over Shiro's hand.]

We've got time to do everything we need before getting to Earth. I --[Don't say 'promise'. He'd promised nothing would happen to Shiro and he died.] I'll make sure of it.

[ Shiro doesn't flinch at the motion but he holds his breath once he realizes what's about to happen and moves, meeting him halfway to curl his hand with Keith's. Maybe not quite what he intended but the loose handhold is more comforting than digging his nails into his palms til they bled.

They shouldn't be having any deep, soul-searching, feelings-y conversations right now and he knows it. There's too much room for things to be misunderstood or something taken the wrong way because they hadn't stated it properly. ]

Alright. Come on, you're supposed to be resting, too. At least take the chest plate off and lay down.

[ Shiro's own is settled under the bunk, but the smell of burnt armor still lingers under the ozone tang of Allura's magic. ]

[His breath catches and he gives Shiro's hand a little squeeze - not hard, but an acknowledgement. He smiles so softly at the simple action. That's more than he'd gotten in the last week since he got him from the station.]

I should keep it on for now. [Remembering those first days they put the armor on and Allura scolding them.] A Paladin of Voltron should always be ready.

[But he will shift a little to get comfortable. The other pillow under his head and the wolf getting her spot next to him. The cot is really too small for all three, but he's not about to push either of them out.]

...I'm glad you're here.

[ Touching him is terrifying at first; he worries that something will go wrong, the programming will flare up and Haggar's influence will crush him back down again but there's nothing but the weight of Keith's hand. That's...something. ]

I'm glad I'm here, too. There's nowhere else I'd rather be.

[ Next to Keith is where he wants to be and realizing that is a bit of a sobering moment, but he also doesn't question it. He's loved Keith for years now, and the shape of it has changed but that's how love works, he figures. It's also that love that got Keith into trouble in the first place, and Shiro can't forget that. Even as he curls his hand a little tighter around Keith's he can't help but think about what it means, loving him. How maybe loving meant leaving, if it came down to it. ]

I knew you'd be a good leader. I reserve the right to smugly inform you that I told you so later, when we're both more awake.

[That gets a half-hearted snort from him. He's too tired to laugh outright, but he appreciates the humor. It's awkward trying to lay down and keep hold of Shiro's hand. Now that Shiro allows him to have it, he doesn't want to let go.]

Yeah, yeah. I'll remember it when I wake up.

[A quiet settles between them, just their breathing, the dog shuffling around uncomfortably, and the thundering heartbeat in Keith's ears as he thinks of how to ask.]

Do you... remember much of the fight?

[ It's a poor attempt at a joke anyway but all Shiro knows how to default to is the morbid humor.

The quiet is welcome for the time being; Shiro's still too tense to even think about sleeping, but he does let himself settle into the cot, trying to relax. All of that goes straight to shit when Keith asks that. It's a valid question, but he doesn't want to touch those memories, not when he's not sure what else he'll remember. What if it opens up the connection to her again? Then again, those bruises on Keith's skin are because of him. He should remember all of it, as penance or something. ]

Enough. Not a lot of specifics, but...enough. I'm sorry, Keith. Fighting her is --

[ Not impossible, but nearly. Keith had broken it, but it wasn't enough to sever the connection entirely, he worries, and Shiro isn't sure what would other than her death. ]

I'm sorry. You shouldn't have had to deal with any of that.

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject