whatsacactus | the clone lives

[That gets a half-hearted snort from him. He's too tired to laugh outright, but he appreciates the humor. It's awkward trying to lay down and keep hold of Shiro's hand. Now that Shiro allows him to have it, he doesn't want to let go.]

Yeah, yeah. I'll remember it when I wake up.

[A quiet settles between them, just their breathing, the dog shuffling around uncomfortably, and the thundering heartbeat in Keith's ears as he thinks of how to ask.]

Do you... remember much of the fight?

[ It's a poor attempt at a joke anyway but all Shiro knows how to default to is the morbid humor.

The quiet is welcome for the time being; Shiro's still too tense to even think about sleeping, but he does let himself settle into the cot, trying to relax. All of that goes straight to shit when Keith asks that. It's a valid question, but he doesn't want to touch those memories, not when he's not sure what else he'll remember. What if it opens up the connection to her again? Then again, those bruises on Keith's skin are because of him. He should remember all of it, as penance or something. ]

Enough. Not a lot of specifics, but...enough. I'm sorry, Keith. Fighting her is --

[ Not impossible, but nearly. Keith had broken it, but it wasn't enough to sever the connection entirely, he worries, and Shiro isn't sure what would other than her death. ]

I'm sorry. You shouldn't have had to deal with any of that.

Shiro, I-- [Shiro just apologizes. Like he had any control over that. But it sounds like Haggar is still rooted there somewhere. They'll get here out of him.]

I knew about it before I got there. I knew I was going to fight.

[None of that is why he asked anyway. He squeezes Shiro's hand a little, sleep finally starting to tug at his mind.]

I just... wasn't sure if you remembered anything I'd said...

You knew?

[ That jerks him out of any potential spiraling thoughts because it's so shocking he doesn't know what else to do but repeat it. Of course, he'd know and still go down afterward, of course, he'd put himself in danger because it was the only way to get done what he needed to. It was Keith, and he is one of the most wonderfully brave, stubborn people he knows.

He was certainly braver than Shiro himself, who was just going to sit on that question until he probably talked himself out of ever mentioning it, or addressing what it meant that Keith saying that, talking to him, was what snapped him out of this. ]

I know you shook Haggar's control over him-- me. I know what you said. It's up to you what it means here.

[Keith's breath stills at that. So Shiro remembered. And he was leaving it to Keith to decide what it means to him. He knows what it means to him. He was frantic in that fight, but those words were true and he meant them.

Keith squeezes Shiro's hand.]

All right.

[Not saying what they mean. He doesn't want to put that weight on Shiro here and now.]

I just wondered if you remembered it.

[ I love you.

Just Keith asking about it made Shiro understand that it hadn't been his imagination or mind playing tricks on him. It's up to Keith because in Shiro's mind, it isn't as if he has the right, let alone the bandwidth to pursue something. But if Keith wanted to, Shiro knows he wouldn't say no, not unless he had to leave.

Maybe, they land, Allura fixes anything else wrong with him or they figure something out. More realistically, given how Haggar's countered his every step, she's built some sort of contingency in and they'll have to fight again. He hopes that it isn't him, again.

Quieter, like he's not quite sure how to admit it: ]

The rest of the fight is a blur, but I remember that. It's why she wanted me to go after you, first. Why she sent us to that facility.

...I see. [He gets that. He gets their bond is their weakness too. Two years to contemplate his life had brought that into stark light. Keith risking everything for Shiro time and time again. At the very least, he knew this time was calculated.

It's probably for the best Shiro doesn't remember the rest. He'd never forgive himself of Shiro felt guilt for the words Haggar made that copy say.

He's so tired. Laying down and getting still was a mistake, but he can't bring himself to get up. There are no alarms, Krolia isn't coming to get him, no emergency comms. Just quiet and peace and Shiro's hand still awkwardly in his as he lays there.]

Shiro, if I fall asleep, please... Don't leave.

[ Later, when they have time he'll try to dig through the memories he's jammed away as far as possible. Right now, he knows that they both need to be rested for their next stop just in case something happens. It's only mildly convenient that it also ends an uncomfortable conversation that he doesn't know if he feels up to. ]

I'm not going anywhere.

[ That's an easy promise. Black rumbles around them in agreement, as if assuring Keith that she wouldn't let Shiro go out without Keith knowing. Shiro isn't surprised, but still. ]

I promise. I don't want to be anywhere else.

[It wasn't a matter of 'if' more as it was a matter of 'how fast'. Keith nods and lets his eyes close, his grip on Shiro's hand loose and slipping.

The memory of his own voice breaking I love you echoes in his ears louder than his heartbeat. It's the first time since finding Romelle that he's allowed himself to let his guard down. His dog is here. His mother is here. Shiro is here, for the most part. They're inside Black, who saved their lives multiple times over now.

He's safe. He can let himself sleep more than a quick power nap.

It's hazy how long he stays sleeping, but it's long enough that shifting is painful. His muscles ache both from the fight and from the uncomfortable position of sleeping in his full armor. The wolf makes a whining noise, nose close to Keith's on the bed watching him. He shifts to pet her.]

Hey... You didn't have to stay too..

[ Shiro doesn't think he'll be capable of sleeping but under-estimates just how relaxing and soothing it is to have Black keeping them safe and knowing Keith's right there next to him. The rest of the paladins are around them and Shiro really doesn't want for anything else. Before he knows it, he's dozing off properly and then sliding into a full sleep broken only when Keith shifts in the bed and talks quietly to the dog.

He doesn't jump, but he's instantly more awake, taking stock of the situation, where everything is. They're in Black and they're safe, which Black reiterates with a low, mechanical purr he can feel in his bones.

At least he feels somewhat rested; it was a pleasant change from catnaps and fighting Haggar. The lethargy is vaguely annoying but being warm certainly isn't. ]

Did you name it yet?

Mm?

[He's still tired, likely will be for a while. But the overbearing exhaustion isn't pressing down on him so badly. Keith shifts, resting on his shoulder, head still on the pillow but can still give the dog attention.]

No... Not yet. Just woke up.

I meant in the past, but alright.

[ Shiro stretches, boots clattering against the edge of the bed before he tugs back and casts a baleful look at the far too close end of the cot. His next stretch is a little more cautious, and then he stops abruptly, realizing that he doesn't have his other arm to stretch when he goes for it. That's-- going to take some getting used to.

Keith's edges are softer like this when he's lounging, focusing on paying attention to the still unnamed dog. Shiro directs the question at the dog, petting her back. ]

Do you understand us?

Edited 2018-06-18 05:04 (UTC)

[She watches Shiro, head tilting at the question. With the new attention, she leans in to sniff at Shiro, then headbutt his leg.]

She took some getting used to when we found her. Still doesn't know fetch.

[There's a look something close to a pout on his face. He'd been excited to have a dog to do normal things with, but she just wasn't with that idea.]

How long've I been out?

[ Well, at least he wasn't rude. Figuring the wagging tail is response enough, Shiro scratches his remaining hand into her fur, burying into the thickness of it. ]

We can't all be perfect.

[ She looks like she's pretty perfectly content, though, caught between the two of them, petted as soon as they woke up. ]

I don't know. Time's-- blurry. Probably for the best.

Mm. [He hums, letting Shiro take over giving his dog attention. It's sweet watching them.

He carefully reaches an arm out, resting it on Shiro's forearm.]

...Thank you. For not leaving.

[It'd been a simple request, an easy promise, but he's grateful Shiro kept it. It means the world to him.]

[ The physical contact is nice. Welcome, even. There's no one in the world that Shiro trusts more than Keith and there's basically nothing that could change his mind. ]

Believe me when I say I don't mean to keep making you chase after me.

[ He appreciates it, even if he doesn't mean for that to continually be the situation, Keith chasing after Shiro in increasingly ridiculous situations. Clones. What if things were normal? They met at the Garrison, or out afterward, maybe. It's a nice thought. ]

I promise I'll tell you if I have to leave again.

Edited 2018-06-18 05:46 (UTC)

Even if you don't mean to, I'd still do it. As many times as I have to.

[He gives a gentle squeeze, not thinking much about the words coming out, just that it feels natural. Like he should say it now.]

I love you.

I know.

[ It terrifies him, knowing that Keith's dedication knows no bounds and is all the worse for how he feels like he doesn't deserve it when he's still dangerous.

I love you. This time there's no question about it, or what it means, or Keith's intent behind it. Shiro shifts as close as he can with a dog between them and squeezes Keith's hand again. ]

I love you, too.

[Keith's heart skips a beat when Shiro shifts close, and altogether stops when he hears those words.

Shiro loves him too. He swallows hard and watches his face. Carefully, Keith curls his fingers around Shiro's to give it a squeeze.]

It's good to have you back, Shiro. I'm... Not sure where to go from here.

[ Once, he might have hesitated over even thinking those words. Now, they've nearly died - or have died so many times that he knows avoiding it isn't going to do them any good. He'd go to the ends of the universe for Keith and knows that the sentiment is returned - isn't the last few weeks proof of that?

Gently, Shiro curls his fingers around Keith's in turn and huffs out what under normal circumstances would be a laugh. There's nothing particularly funny about the situation but if he doesn't laugh he's not sure what he will do. ]

We'll figure it out together.

You really want to?

[A large part of him is in awe that Shiro feels even close to what Keith feels. That he'd even want to figure it out surprises him. He thumbs along Shiro's knuckles watching his face.]

We don't have to do anything with this if you don't want.

I really want to.

[ It shouldn't shock him that Keith seems so surprised by this, but that he even asks makes Shiro ache, hating that Keith's led the kind of life where he doesn't expect that to be returned. He doesn't have a spare hand to touch him, but he squeezes the hand he's holding right now, fitting their fingers together. ]

I know. Trust me, Keith.

[He squeezes the hand back, looking Shiro in the eyes.]

Then we will. However you want. [If Shiro wants or needs time to adjust, Keith is willing to give that to him.] How... long did you know?

[ However you want.

Shiro's realistic; he knows that doesn't include him leaving if he becomes too much of a liability to the team, but he doesn't mention that, instead opting to shift on the cot, glancing between their held hands and Keith's eyes. ]

Somewhere around the time you broke into a secret government facility to rescue me.

[That gets a smirk from him.]

Yeah, blowing up part of a government facility and knocking out government employees is the way to your heart. Should've done it when you were still on Earth the first time.

[He looks down at their hands, thinking about before Kerberos.] Should've seen me take out Iverson.

the clone lives

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