whatsacactus | the clone lives

[ Breathing hurts and he's aware of the beating the two of them gave each other in a wholly new way that this other him wasn't really able to appreciate with how distracted he was. Right now, he's not overwhelmed with Haggar, not with Allura's magic and Black's still echoing through him. How the hell Keith is still upright is a goddamned mystery given that Shiro feels like he's going to pass out at any moment.

Around them, everyone is talking excitedly and a wet noise pushes into his hand, Shiro blankly petting whatever it is as he leans into Keith and tries to sort through everything he can remember but all it boils down into is: ]

We need to find somewhere to rest.

[ Did they check Keith over fully? Shiro felt the ache of him even through the astral plane where he was trapped; how many times had he nearly lost Keith? And now, here he was, battered and bruised and he couldn't do anything about it. ]

We will. Coran and Krolia are already looking for a habited planet we can stop at.

[Keith can't help but smile. Here Shiro is, safe and sound again. His dog getting in on the action. His family here, together, whole. Sure, Shiro's missing an arm, and he may be a little off balance for a while, but they can make him a new one. After they get to Earth probably, but they can do it.

We're going back to Earth, Shiro.

[ An inhabited planet is one thing; they ought to have an easy enough time with that, but whether or not it's in the Alliance, and whether or not they'll help is another thing. Shiro wants to ask just how they intend to do any of this but knows better; he's in no shape to judge or help and they've done well enough without him so far.

Behind him, Allura rises up and takes her hands from him, leaving him simply leaning against Keith, savoring the rise and fall of his chest plate underneath. He lived. Against the odds, Keith lived, even if they're both worse for wear. We're going back to earth, he says and Shiro doesn't have it in him to fully process that at this moment. He nods, but one catastrophe at a time and his mind is like swiss cheese right now. ]

I think you'll have to pilot.

I figured. [He looks up at Black watching them.] Thank you.

[He feels a warm rumble in his mind as acknowledgement. She understands how important Shiro is to him. Keith sighs slowly, scratching at Shiro's hairline against his neck.]

We need to get you back in the lion. Hunk and Lance found there are sleeping quarters in there. You can sleep while we fly. All right?

[ Stating the obvious, but he doesn't care. He presses thanks back across the bond to Black as well, but doesn't follow the thread that goes from her to Keith, not trusting himself with that just yet. He's still a danger to them; Allura may have burnt out the majority of Haggar's influence but he wasn't sure she was gone entirely. There was still a chance he was a spy however unintentionally, so he turns his face into his chest, and tries not to shiver at how good that hand against his neck feels. He only has one arm to use; the other doesn't move when he tries it only for him to abruptly recall why.

His remaining one winds around Keith's waist to hold him up a little more securely. ] Yeah. Alright.

[ He doesn't have it in him to argue but he does catch Keith by the arm once he's sitting heavily on the fold-out beds that make up the back of Black. ]

You should, too. Black can handle auto-pilot.

[Four vargas now, and he's only had a few hours of sleep here and there. Krolia cant pilot this, and Shiro couldn't do it the state he was in. Yet he still takes the time to make sure Shiro has everything he needs here. Water, some dry rations. The bed set up and ready.

Shiro gets his arm, and he stops.]

I'll be fine. We're not going far.

[Still no direction, no names. Just a vague idea of distance. It's not that he's afraid of Shiro. It's just general caution now. But he turns his arm, gripping Shiro's gently.]

I promise. I'll rest once we stop somewhere for more than a couple of hours.

[The heavy bags under his eyes and the way he sways a moment are a testament to how bad off he really is.]

[ The consideration doesn't go unnoticed despite how out of it Shiro is. Keith comes first; that hasn't changed. The world shifts in and out briefly; he's aware of moving and then he's sitting on the cot and no one else but the dog and Keith are around, food and water nearby, and Keith's gripping him in turn. ]

Keith-

[ What can he say, though? How many times did he lead them somewhere, anywhere, when he wasn't at his best? When Lance was injured and Sendak was on the ship, Shiro'd still given orders, still done missions. Krolia nods at the two of them, eyes flicking to her son and Shiro figures that has to be enough. She' watching out for him; he can trust that.

He can't fault Keith for doing the same and can't trust himself to give them, so he curls onto his side on the cot, heavily, and promptly loses time, flickering in and out between dozing and memories of what this...other him had done. ]

[Keith hesitates letting go of his arm, but he does. He has to go fly.

It's only some hours later of flying and nearly falling asleep in the seat when he jerks awake again. Keith is insistent on continuing forward, but he's only stopped by Krolia. There are soft whispers and and a sigh before he gets up, patting the wolf on the head on his way to the back of the lion. He's obviously agreeing to something and comes back in, plopping himself down on the cot next to him.]

Looks like Krolia got everyone to agree to shifts while the lions fly themselves. Everyone needs to rest. [He doesn't include himself in that. Not really. But after everything, he wasn't about to argue with his mother.]

Edited 2018-06-18 00:39 (UTC)

[ He doesn't sleep so much as he drifts. Distantly, he's aware of the others talking over the comms and when he rouses again, it's to the feeling of the cot bouncing faintly with weight on it. It's not the wolf-fox-thing, it's too heavy for that. Instead, when he cracks his eyes open, it's Keith settling there, broader and harder than Shiro remembers leaving him.

It's a war; of course, there would be sacrifices and understandably there would be injuries or difficult parts. Shiro'd known and understood that but it was one thing to know about it and another altogether to see the result of it, the scar on Keith's face, the way he looks as if every bit of him has been ground down until just the exhaustion is left.

He wouldn't blame Keith if he didn't want to lay down here, so he sits up gingerly, grimacing at the way his body aches. ]

I can take over Black for a while.

[Keith notes Shiro sitting up, but shakes his head.]

She's on auto-pilot. Knows where we're going.

[It's the first chance he's had to really stop. To let what happened since the Quantum Abyss sink in. It's a reality he hadn't expected, but fought for. He takes a slow breath, brushes his hair out of his eyes and looks to Shiro. He can never help how his eyes soften at him, even when he can barely stay up.]

You should still rest. There's no pod on board, but we've got plenty of time.

[While he wants Shiro to rest, there's the smallest part of him that hopes he's up for talking.]

[ There's no pod on the castle, either, which means they're out of commission for a while. He wants to ask how bruised and injured Keith is, wants to spend time going over each inch of him to make sure that he's not bleeding internally or worse off than Shiro thought but he hasn't really earned the right to do that, has he? Some team leader. ]

I'll move over.

[ And by 'move over' he means press himself far back against the wall, watching Keith warily. It isn't that he doesn't trust Keith; he does, with every fiber of his being. It's more that he worries about everything that's happened and how they're going to deal with it. ]

How are you feeling?

[The laugh that comes out of him is breathless, mirthless. A tired ha as he smiles at the floor.

How are you feeling.

Two years of what was effectively a vacation and intense camping trip, then jumping into 3 days of nonstop flying and fighting now to this. Even if he'd been prepared for what was going to happen from the future glimpses, it still hurt. Hearing those words straight from Shiro was a knife through the ribs, twisting. He'd hoped it wouldn't happen, despite his best efforts.

Shiro moves as far away as he can; Keith in turn leans back against the opposite wall, taking up as little space as he can manage. He's still adjusting to being bigger in the Lion's space. He jumps a little when he feels the weight of the wolf leap into the space between them.]

Like I got thrown in a blender for a few days.

[ He doesn't trust himself to ask where they're going - if they're heading to Earth right now or if they're making a stop first. It's too dangerous to let Haggar know anything and until he's cleared and they are certain that he's not dangerous to either of them, he needs to be cautious.

Keith settles next to him but there's a space between them that the dog quickly fills, pushing its muzzle back under Shiro's jaw while the tail smacks both of them as it wags. ]

Yeah. Sounds about right, honestly.

[ Shiro curls an arm around one of the pillows and gingerly settles onto his side, breathing through the ache of his chest. ]

Did someone look you over yet?

[Keith watches them; his dog has some good instincts they realized during those two years. He trusts it now too.]

Not much time to. Coran and Hunk gave me a quick look over, but we had to get moving before... [Before they lost the castle.]

It wasn't that important then.

[He reaches to pet the dog's back, closer to its butt as she tries to nuzzle at Shiro's face.]

...It likes you.

[ Shiro's always liked animals, even if he never had any of his own. Gently, he curls himself around her as she licks over his cheek, and buries his face in her fur for a moment. Things aren't normal but they're getting somewhere. His team is safe. Keith has his mother with him. Keith's safe for a given meaning of the word. ]

Did you get it when you were with your mom?

[ He doesn't miss the way she's listening to them, even if their voices are soft and she isn't facing them. He'd be protective, too. ]

I remember -- parts. Pieces. Enough to know what happened but not the details.

[So he remembers a few things, like his mom. This is the most normal he's felt with Shiro in so long. Keith takes a slow breath and leans his head against the wall.]

Yeah. We-- We found these creatures that could sail through the abyss. They were big enough to sustain life on them like a planet, and [he nods to the dog] we saw it crash like a shooting star. Saved it, and it stayed with us since.

She's been good to have with us.

[He pets through her fur absently, needing the repetitive action for a moment.]

What else do you remember?

[ Enough to be dangerous, maybe. ]

You crashed, huh? We're not really great at staying out of trouble, guess you'll fit right in.

[ Shiro's voice goes low and soft, scratching at her chin as her tongue lolls out and her tail wags even more furiously, thudding against Keith every time it comes to his side. ]

Everyone sitting in Black. Some of the battles. Bits and pieces I picked up when you were in here, or someone else as.

[ A pause, this one longer, more uncertain. ]

Everything the clone remembered.

[It takes him a minute to remember what he's talking about. Everyone sitting in Black... Back when he'd first disappeared. He hadn't thought much about that time, but looking back, he'd reacted pretty badly. Hung up on Shiro being gone and ruining a diplomacy meeting... But if he had to do it over, he'd do it the same, Keith thinks.

His eyes go wide for half a breath when he mentions the clone. Swallows the lump in his throat, those words playing back with harsh clarity. Should have abandoned you. Broken and Worthless.

He looks down at the tail thumping against him, hand slowing a little.]

Sorry we didn't realize it sooner.

[ 'The clone' he says as if it's...not just him, but with Haggar's influence. As if it's not him in this body, belonging but not really belonging because he's two separate people who happen to be the same. It's a mess and he wouldn't blame them if they didn't want to deal with it, but Keith will. Keith will get stubborn if Shiro tries to convince him to do anything else so Shiro stays there on the cot and tilts his head enough to watch Keith's hand slow its petting.

The dog lifts her head and gives Keith a look, a very clear well? ]

It's not your fault. I wasn't able to say anything either, my connection wasn't strong enough and half the time I was lost anyway.

[ Gingerly, he sits up enough to shift closer, but doesn't dare touch Keith yet. ]

None of this was your fault. You wouldn't have known.

[He should have known. He was in Black more often than anyone since that battle. He'd promised Shiro nothing would happen to him, but he died. And Keith hadn't even realized. Instead, he'd spent weeks, longer even, searching the wreckage for him. He wanted to avoid that reality, so much that he didn't realize a cloned copy when he saw it.

His dog shifts, nosing at his hand and shifting under it with a little whimper-grumble. Keith takes a wet inhale, blinks a few times, exhales out shaky.]

What else can I tell you?

[He doesn't want to talk about Shiro being dead. How he'd failed him like that.]

I don't know about the parts I was gone for, but I can try to fill in some gaps.

[ Shiro isn't an idiot, he knows that Keith's upset. The problem isn't that he's unable to understand, it's that he doesn't know what to do. None of the normal rules apply and Keith's different, now. Broader and more sure of himself and a leader now in all the ways he knew Keith would be. ]

I'm not going to make you summarize the last few years.

[ There's faint amusement in his voice even if it's exhausted. ]

Keith...thank you. For everything you've done.

[Something behind his sternum seems to crack at that. 'Everything you've done'. He hasn't done anything except keep Shiro alive. And even then...

He scratches under the dog's chin, trying to focus. He knows Krolia is watching, and he's not about to have a break down in front of them both.]

What else can I answer? [His voice cracks at the end there, trying to hold it together. Try to stay in one piece, not letting himself fall apart. Shiro needs him to keep it together.]

I'm- I feel like... there's a lot to catch up on.

There are years.

[ Years to catch up on, to try and make sense of and doing it on unsteady ground. He thinks he remembers Keith saying I love you, but doesn't know how much was real and how much was imagined. He's not going to push on that, though, not when there's so much else to worry about, to think of.

He has a question, though, even if he's not sure he wants to ask it.]

Tell me why we're going home?

[Ah. That's easy to answer. But it doesn't make his tone any less sad to talk about it.]

The castle's gone. Pidge had given a copy of the plans to her father who went back to Earth so....

[He shrugs, the dog resting her head on his thigh and watching him. She seems a little distracted knowing they both need comfort, but Keith is who she knows best here. He strokes along her head gently.]

I'm not sure what else we'll do there, but we're getting those plans to build a new Castle.

[ The Castleship.

Shiro feels his stomach flip upside down in an instant at remembering that oh, God, he'd set the ship up to blow. Maybe not him, but it was at the same time. He remembered it, like his hands were doing it because they were his. He'd forced them to blow up their home and Coran and Allura had so little left already.

He can't look at Keith, not right now, so he stares straight at his curled fist, knuckles white. ]

I see.

[ What else can he say? There aren't enough apologies in the world, especially to Keith, who Shiro desperately wants to feel at home somewhere. ]

We should stop somewhere and figure out how dangerous I am before we get there. You don't want - you don't need a liability, or a threat.

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