whatsacactus | the clone lives

[Keith watches them; his dog has some good instincts they realized during those two years. He trusts it now too.]

Not much time to. Coran and Hunk gave me a quick look over, but we had to get moving before... [Before they lost the castle.]

It wasn't that important then.

[He reaches to pet the dog's back, closer to its butt as she tries to nuzzle at Shiro's face.]

...It likes you.

[ Shiro's always liked animals, even if he never had any of his own. Gently, he curls himself around her as she licks over his cheek, and buries his face in her fur for a moment. Things aren't normal but they're getting somewhere. His team is safe. Keith has his mother with him. Keith's safe for a given meaning of the word. ]

Did you get it when you were with your mom?

[ He doesn't miss the way she's listening to them, even if their voices are soft and she isn't facing them. He'd be protective, too. ]

I remember -- parts. Pieces. Enough to know what happened but not the details.

[So he remembers a few things, like his mom. This is the most normal he's felt with Shiro in so long. Keith takes a slow breath and leans his head against the wall.]

Yeah. We-- We found these creatures that could sail through the abyss. They were big enough to sustain life on them like a planet, and [he nods to the dog] we saw it crash like a shooting star. Saved it, and it stayed with us since.

She's been good to have with us.

[He pets through her fur absently, needing the repetitive action for a moment.]

What else do you remember?

[ Enough to be dangerous, maybe. ]

You crashed, huh? We're not really great at staying out of trouble, guess you'll fit right in.

[ Shiro's voice goes low and soft, scratching at her chin as her tongue lolls out and her tail wags even more furiously, thudding against Keith every time it comes to his side. ]

Everyone sitting in Black. Some of the battles. Bits and pieces I picked up when you were in here, or someone else as.

[ A pause, this one longer, more uncertain. ]

Everything the clone remembered.

[It takes him a minute to remember what he's talking about. Everyone sitting in Black... Back when he'd first disappeared. He hadn't thought much about that time, but looking back, he'd reacted pretty badly. Hung up on Shiro being gone and ruining a diplomacy meeting... But if he had to do it over, he'd do it the same, Keith thinks.

His eyes go wide for half a breath when he mentions the clone. Swallows the lump in his throat, those words playing back with harsh clarity. Should have abandoned you. Broken and Worthless.

He looks down at the tail thumping against him, hand slowing a little.]

Sorry we didn't realize it sooner.

[ 'The clone' he says as if it's...not just him, but with Haggar's influence. As if it's not him in this body, belonging but not really belonging because he's two separate people who happen to be the same. It's a mess and he wouldn't blame them if they didn't want to deal with it, but Keith will. Keith will get stubborn if Shiro tries to convince him to do anything else so Shiro stays there on the cot and tilts his head enough to watch Keith's hand slow its petting.

The dog lifts her head and gives Keith a look, a very clear well? ]

It's not your fault. I wasn't able to say anything either, my connection wasn't strong enough and half the time I was lost anyway.

[ Gingerly, he sits up enough to shift closer, but doesn't dare touch Keith yet. ]

None of this was your fault. You wouldn't have known.

[He should have known. He was in Black more often than anyone since that battle. He'd promised Shiro nothing would happen to him, but he died. And Keith hadn't even realized. Instead, he'd spent weeks, longer even, searching the wreckage for him. He wanted to avoid that reality, so much that he didn't realize a cloned copy when he saw it.

His dog shifts, nosing at his hand and shifting under it with a little whimper-grumble. Keith takes a wet inhale, blinks a few times, exhales out shaky.]

What else can I tell you?

[He doesn't want to talk about Shiro being dead. How he'd failed him like that.]

I don't know about the parts I was gone for, but I can try to fill in some gaps.

[ Shiro isn't an idiot, he knows that Keith's upset. The problem isn't that he's unable to understand, it's that he doesn't know what to do. None of the normal rules apply and Keith's different, now. Broader and more sure of himself and a leader now in all the ways he knew Keith would be. ]

I'm not going to make you summarize the last few years.

[ There's faint amusement in his voice even if it's exhausted. ]

Keith...thank you. For everything you've done.

[Something behind his sternum seems to crack at that. 'Everything you've done'. He hasn't done anything except keep Shiro alive. And even then...

He scratches under the dog's chin, trying to focus. He knows Krolia is watching, and he's not about to have a break down in front of them both.]

What else can I answer? [His voice cracks at the end there, trying to hold it together. Try to stay in one piece, not letting himself fall apart. Shiro needs him to keep it together.]

I'm- I feel like... there's a lot to catch up on.

There are years.

[ Years to catch up on, to try and make sense of and doing it on unsteady ground. He thinks he remembers Keith saying I love you, but doesn't know how much was real and how much was imagined. He's not going to push on that, though, not when there's so much else to worry about, to think of.

He has a question, though, even if he's not sure he wants to ask it.]

Tell me why we're going home?

[Ah. That's easy to answer. But it doesn't make his tone any less sad to talk about it.]

The castle's gone. Pidge had given a copy of the plans to her father who went back to Earth so....

[He shrugs, the dog resting her head on his thigh and watching him. She seems a little distracted knowing they both need comfort, but Keith is who she knows best here. He strokes along her head gently.]

I'm not sure what else we'll do there, but we're getting those plans to build a new Castle.

[ The Castleship.

Shiro feels his stomach flip upside down in an instant at remembering that oh, God, he'd set the ship up to blow. Maybe not him, but it was at the same time. He remembered it, like his hands were doing it because they were his. He'd forced them to blow up their home and Coran and Allura had so little left already.

He can't look at Keith, not right now, so he stares straight at his curled fist, knuckles white. ]

I see.

[ What else can he say? There aren't enough apologies in the world, especially to Keith, who Shiro desperately wants to feel at home somewhere. ]

We should stop somewhere and figure out how dangerous I am before we get there. You don't want - you don't need a liability, or a threat.

I know. We'll have to make a few stops along the way. Earth is going to take a while to get to without the wormhole jumps.

[He'd made sure Hunk and Pidge both knew that even if it was Shiro's soul and mind back, it was still a clone body. Machine. Something they would work on together out of their earshot.

But Shiro's fist-- Keith watches it, looks at his face, then takes the chance. He makes sure to telegraph his movement, leaning forward and reaching but just hovering over Shiro's hand.]

We've got time to do everything we need before getting to Earth. I --[Don't say 'promise'. He'd promised nothing would happen to Shiro and he died.] I'll make sure of it.

[ Shiro doesn't flinch at the motion but he holds his breath once he realizes what's about to happen and moves, meeting him halfway to curl his hand with Keith's. Maybe not quite what he intended but the loose handhold is more comforting than digging his nails into his palms til they bled.

They shouldn't be having any deep, soul-searching, feelings-y conversations right now and he knows it. There's too much room for things to be misunderstood or something taken the wrong way because they hadn't stated it properly. ]

Alright. Come on, you're supposed to be resting, too. At least take the chest plate off and lay down.

[ Shiro's own is settled under the bunk, but the smell of burnt armor still lingers under the ozone tang of Allura's magic. ]

[His breath catches and he gives Shiro's hand a little squeeze - not hard, but an acknowledgement. He smiles so softly at the simple action. That's more than he'd gotten in the last week since he got him from the station.]

I should keep it on for now. [Remembering those first days they put the armor on and Allura scolding them.] A Paladin of Voltron should always be ready.

[But he will shift a little to get comfortable. The other pillow under his head and the wolf getting her spot next to him. The cot is really too small for all three, but he's not about to push either of them out.]

...I'm glad you're here.

[ Touching him is terrifying at first; he worries that something will go wrong, the programming will flare up and Haggar's influence will crush him back down again but there's nothing but the weight of Keith's hand. That's...something. ]

I'm glad I'm here, too. There's nowhere else I'd rather be.

[ Next to Keith is where he wants to be and realizing that is a bit of a sobering moment, but he also doesn't question it. He's loved Keith for years now, and the shape of it has changed but that's how love works, he figures. It's also that love that got Keith into trouble in the first place, and Shiro can't forget that. Even as he curls his hand a little tighter around Keith's he can't help but think about what it means, loving him. How maybe loving meant leaving, if it came down to it. ]

I knew you'd be a good leader. I reserve the right to smugly inform you that I told you so later, when we're both more awake.

[That gets a half-hearted snort from him. He's too tired to laugh outright, but he appreciates the humor. It's awkward trying to lay down and keep hold of Shiro's hand. Now that Shiro allows him to have it, he doesn't want to let go.]

Yeah, yeah. I'll remember it when I wake up.

[A quiet settles between them, just their breathing, the dog shuffling around uncomfortably, and the thundering heartbeat in Keith's ears as he thinks of how to ask.]

Do you... remember much of the fight?

[ It's a poor attempt at a joke anyway but all Shiro knows how to default to is the morbid humor.

The quiet is welcome for the time being; Shiro's still too tense to even think about sleeping, but he does let himself settle into the cot, trying to relax. All of that goes straight to shit when Keith asks that. It's a valid question, but he doesn't want to touch those memories, not when he's not sure what else he'll remember. What if it opens up the connection to her again? Then again, those bruises on Keith's skin are because of him. He should remember all of it, as penance or something. ]

Enough. Not a lot of specifics, but...enough. I'm sorry, Keith. Fighting her is --

[ Not impossible, but nearly. Keith had broken it, but it wasn't enough to sever the connection entirely, he worries, and Shiro isn't sure what would other than her death. ]

I'm sorry. You shouldn't have had to deal with any of that.

Shiro, I-- [Shiro just apologizes. Like he had any control over that. But it sounds like Haggar is still rooted there somewhere. They'll get here out of him.]

I knew about it before I got there. I knew I was going to fight.

[None of that is why he asked anyway. He squeezes Shiro's hand a little, sleep finally starting to tug at his mind.]

I just... wasn't sure if you remembered anything I'd said...

You knew?

[ That jerks him out of any potential spiraling thoughts because it's so shocking he doesn't know what else to do but repeat it. Of course, he'd know and still go down afterward, of course, he'd put himself in danger because it was the only way to get done what he needed to. It was Keith, and he is one of the most wonderfully brave, stubborn people he knows.

He was certainly braver than Shiro himself, who was just going to sit on that question until he probably talked himself out of ever mentioning it, or addressing what it meant that Keith saying that, talking to him, was what snapped him out of this. ]

I know you shook Haggar's control over him-- me. I know what you said. It's up to you what it means here.

[Keith's breath stills at that. So Shiro remembered. And he was leaving it to Keith to decide what it means to him. He knows what it means to him. He was frantic in that fight, but those words were true and he meant them.

Keith squeezes Shiro's hand.]

All right.

[Not saying what they mean. He doesn't want to put that weight on Shiro here and now.]

I just wondered if you remembered it.

[ I love you.

Just Keith asking about it made Shiro understand that it hadn't been his imagination or mind playing tricks on him. It's up to Keith because in Shiro's mind, it isn't as if he has the right, let alone the bandwidth to pursue something. But if Keith wanted to, Shiro knows he wouldn't say no, not unless he had to leave.

Maybe, they land, Allura fixes anything else wrong with him or they figure something out. More realistically, given how Haggar's countered his every step, she's built some sort of contingency in and they'll have to fight again. He hopes that it isn't him, again.

Quieter, like he's not quite sure how to admit it: ]

The rest of the fight is a blur, but I remember that. It's why she wanted me to go after you, first. Why she sent us to that facility.

...I see. [He gets that. He gets their bond is their weakness too. Two years to contemplate his life had brought that into stark light. Keith risking everything for Shiro time and time again. At the very least, he knew this time was calculated.

It's probably for the best Shiro doesn't remember the rest. He'd never forgive himself of Shiro felt guilt for the words Haggar made that copy say.

He's so tired. Laying down and getting still was a mistake, but he can't bring himself to get up. There are no alarms, Krolia isn't coming to get him, no emergency comms. Just quiet and peace and Shiro's hand still awkwardly in his as he lays there.]

Shiro, if I fall asleep, please... Don't leave.

[ Later, when they have time he'll try to dig through the memories he's jammed away as far as possible. Right now, he knows that they both need to be rested for their next stop just in case something happens. It's only mildly convenient that it also ends an uncomfortable conversation that he doesn't know if he feels up to. ]

I'm not going anywhere.

[ That's an easy promise. Black rumbles around them in agreement, as if assuring Keith that she wouldn't let Shiro go out without Keith knowing. Shiro isn't surprised, but still. ]

I promise. I don't want to be anywhere else.

[It wasn't a matter of 'if' more as it was a matter of 'how fast'. Keith nods and lets his eyes close, his grip on Shiro's hand loose and slipping.

The memory of his own voice breaking I love you echoes in his ears louder than his heartbeat. It's the first time since finding Romelle that he's allowed himself to let his guard down. His dog is here. His mother is here. Shiro is here, for the most part. They're inside Black, who saved their lives multiple times over now.

He's safe. He can let himself sleep more than a quick power nap.

It's hazy how long he stays sleeping, but it's long enough that shifting is painful. His muscles ache both from the fight and from the uncomfortable position of sleeping in his full armor. The wolf makes a whining noise, nose close to Keith's on the bed watching him. He shifts to pet her.]

Hey... You didn't have to stay too..

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