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[It's been almost a year since Shiro got him out of the ring he'd found Keith in, bought him and brought him with the Alteans. There were some unsavory remarks at first, but they've since gotten used to this half-Galra former-prostitute being here, even found him useful when he showed he could hold his own in fights.

But even Allura could tell Keith had fallen hard for Shiro. And there wasn't anything happening there. While it's some good gossip to be sure, it's also irritating watching them go around each other so much without anything. So, she told Keith she needed him to take care of something for her, it may take a week or so at a specific location. Even when he protested, she explained Shiro was on a much needed vacation.

So he gets to the planet and realizes it's....... An alien hot springs.

He thinks he knows what's happening. And only seeing the guest sign in confirms it: Shiro's name, a line or two above his own now. He finds out pretty quickly they don't share a room, but they are next to each other; Allura had requested it arranged that way. Great.

He decides this doesn't have to mean anything. Go with it. Dresses down to the boxers and robe provided and moves to stand out on his room's balcony and look over the small resort.]

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This should be easy.

[ He says it quietly, under his breath but it's almost like a plea rather than anything else. He used to be good at this. He used to know how to pursue someone without it being all wrong, but where so many other things with Keith are easy, this isn't.

Shiro takes the hand without thinking and goes to press his lips against his knuckles and stops just a few inches short. It's hard to tell whether the drink or his own embarrassment makes his cheeks flush, Altean markings standing out starkly against his cheeks. ]

Laying down is a good idea. I'm sorry.

[ He takes a step toward the door again, trusting Keith to follow, barely noticing he still has his hand. ]

[Keith watches him, the entire thing in slow motion only to stop short. He wanted that to go on. IT was sweet, and so unlike other experiences. But he nods and lets Shiro tug him along into the room.]

It's all right. You don't ever have to apologize for anything, Shiro.

[He wants to take care of him, help him ride this out however Shiro needs. But he'd be lying if he said that riding it out couldn't also mean riding him.] Whatever you need.

You're too forgiving, Keith.

[ Shiro heads straight for the little adjoining bathroom and drops Keith's hand so he can splash his face with water, trying to cool down. It doesn't help and he's left trying to sweep his bangs back out of his eyes, hair curling damp against his skin. ]

It's alright. I can sleep it off. I only-- I don't want this to make you uncomfortable.

[ He comes back out after telling himself he can't just hide in the bathroom and rakes a hand through his hair, not quite able to look at Keith. ]

You don't owe me anything.

I know I don't.

[Keith stands just outside the door of the bathroom to give Shiro a modicum of privacy. It sounds like Shiro's never had a potion like this before and Keith doesn't want to be watching the entire time he tries to figure out the situation.

He knows it isn't likely but the thought can't help but cross his mind: what if this is his only chance. What if this is the one chance he can tell Shiro how he feels, the smallest hope that maybe it won't have consequences. Maybe Shiro won't remember, maybe he'll think it was some dream haze or something. It's too much to hope for, but Keith reaches for it anyway.]

Shiro, I-- I want to make you happy. I'm not sure how to do it, but I know what I'm good at and-- [God, there Shiro is, coming out with a hand through his hair and Keith's thoughts derail into lewd ideas and daydreams.] And it's... all I've wanted for a long while now.

[ He freezes in place when Keith says that and it takes a few moments of staring blankly for it to really sink in. He wasn't imagining things. Keith was interested in him, there was something between them that was reciprocated on both of their parts. This isn't the time to be coming at someone with confessions of love, but he supposes that it's as good of a time as any. ]

Your job isn't to make me happy. [ He needs to make sure Keith understands that. He doesn't owe Shiro anything.

He walks over to the dresser, pulling out one of his longer sleeved shirts, like an extra layer will stop himself from succumbing to whatever was in the potion. ]

Have you seen something like this before? Whatever I drank.

[ And now he's thumbing through the other vials he'd mostly ignored, opening one up, sniffing it. There's no smell but when he dumps some onto his finger, he realizes it's lubricant. ]

[Shiro reaches to put on a long sleeve, and Keith realizes he did make a mistake then and there. Shiro isn't interested. He knew, but having it confirmed is... good, in the long run. He can try to squash down those feelings and move on.

He sits on the floor because where else? Anywhere else is presumptuous and he won't be staying long at this rate anyway. He'll go back to his room and probably not sleep, wishing he'd kept his mouth shut.]

A few times. Usually paid for. [Sometimes to be drank by a client, sometimes for him to drink.] It'll work through your system by morning, I think.

Alright.

[ He's still really distracted by the lube, honestly. He rubs two fingers together to confirm that's what it really is and then feels ridiculous, shaking his head and moving onto the next ones. There's something that smells like fruit in one of them - also lube, because of course. He's torn between mortification and some vague level of interest. ]

It doesn't create something that wasn't there already, right.

[ It's a poorly worded question and he grimaces at himself, trying to think around the haze. ]

I mean - it wouldn't make me try to flirt with one of the wait staff here, correct?

Not that I know of.

[Not without knowing the specific one they used. It doesn't seem like it though; Shiro didn't bat an eye twice at the attendant still in the dining room before.]

[ That's what he thought. Shiro forces himself to turn around and look at Keith, not sure if he's doing the right thing or not by pushing the issue when he could just kick Keith out and jerk off until he's worked this out of his system. ]

I don't know where I was going with that, I just--

[ He trails off, looking away, his pupils blown huge from the effects of the drug, cheeks still flushed. ]

I can't stop thinking about you. It's not entirely the drug; I think it just...enhanced it.

[Keith looks up, only because he feels eyes on him, his expression disappointment, in himself for hoping. He tries to mask the surprise when he hears that. Not entirely the drug.

That it's Shiro too.]

Shiro, I-- I can't either. I just... [Why is he always so horrible at words? Just say the words. Two words.] Am worried.

[Failed that step.]

No, that's-- It's not a lie, but not-- Not what I wanted to say, I'm. [He runs both hands through his hair frustrated.] I always think about you. And I want to make you happy. You're-- You're kind, and thoughtful. And you work hard, and care so much, and you deserve happiness too, even if...

If. [He feels himself starting to trail off, the longer he goes. Less confident in saying what he really wants.] I'm not the one to give it to you.

[ Talking in longer, coherent sentences is something that's entirely impossible right now, much as he wishes he could. The long sleeves over his arms make him feel ridiculously hyperaware, goosebumps rising. Everything pressed against him feels like it's riding the edge of too much, and then there's Keith, talking to him quiet and heartfelt and he knows he doesn't have the ability to find words to return it properly.

Instead, he settles on the edge of the bed, grimacing when there's a pulse of heat and the reminder that beds aren't just for sleeping, and he could be doing something so much better with his time than just talk. ]

This is a conversation we should have later. I can't -- it feels impossible to concentrate, I just keep thinking about --

[ No, no, he's not going into that. Shiro's teeth click together when he tightens his jaw, shaking his head. Keith doesn't need to know the extent of his fantasies. ]

[Later. Right.

Shiro sits down, and Keith stands in turn. He heads to the bathroom and comes back a minute later to set a glass of water on the night stand by the bed.]

Goodnight, Shiro.

[He wants so badly to sit with him, crawl into bed next to him and help him through this, but he's already done more than enough.]

Edited 2017-12-03 04:34 (UTC)

[ He doesn't want Keith to go. The idea of it is awful, worse than sitting with this in his system for another God knows how long. When Keith comes back with the water, Shiro waits until he sets it down and then reaches for his hand again, tugging him lightly. ]

What do you want?

[He jerks at the touch. Not because he doesn't want that, but because he's surprised by it. Keith watches Shiro's face for a long moment, weighing if he should say what he really wants or not. He's already embarrassed himself so much in one night.

To be with you.

To love you.

To be who makes you happy.]

You.

I don't know how to do this.

[ It's a quiet confession, and his hands start moving before he can stop himself, cupping Keith's hips, leaning in to press his forehead against his chest, finding that easier than looking at him. ]

I mean - I know how to-- have sex. But I don't know how to do this. And the -- what I drank, it makes it seem so easy. It's not that easy.

[Keith leans with the pull, resting one hand in Shiro's hair and the other on his shoulder. He knows the right thing to do here. He hates it, but he knows. And he doesn't want to look back at this night and wish differently for them both. He doesn't want Shiro to look back and resent him for anything they can't undo.

His voice is a whisper when he speaks again.]

Then don't. Not tonight, and not like this.

No, I know.

[ He knows better. He knows better but Keith's warm and solid and real and wants him, too. ]

I'm not going to - I know better.

[ If he says it, maybe he'll believe it. ]

I want you to stay. You can't, but I want--

[The urge to push Shiro back and take care of him is a tide rushing in, threatening to bowl Keith over if he isn't careful. It's so difficult not to go with it. He carefully kneels down and presses his lips to Shiro's forehead.]

I know. I know now, I mean. [He gently peels Shiro's hands off his hips, folding them together and kissing his knuckles.]

Tomorrow. We'll talk.

[ He makes a frustrated noise in the back of his throat and drops back, curling his hands into his pants only to force himself to smooth out the wrinkles. ]

Tomorrow. You should go. I need to--

[ He cuts himself off before he can go into detail about what exactly he's going to do; Keith doesn't need to know about the details. ]

You should go.

[He nods and gets to his feet. It's difficult, looking at Shiro like this and not doing something to help him. But no. Tomorrow. He thinks he knows how it'll go, but he'll take it anyway. Keith makes for their side door that adjourns their rooms; he doesn't want to deal with the one or two staff probably still cleaning up their dining area after them.

And he was right, of course. He lays in bed, not sleeping until the early morning hours. Thinking of Shiro's hands on his hips and laying on his back while he strokes himself. He keeps quiet, at least, for Shiro's sake.

Morning comes, though. He sits out on the balcony for a few minutes before going back in to breakfast. He tries not to look like anything is amiss. He isn't disappointed, nor is he happy. The staff get nothing as he reaches for some of the breakfast bread they've set out.]

[ The moment Keith's gone, Shiro collapses in to the bed and shoves a hand down the front of his pants, cupping himself. He tries to be quiet, but eventually, it stops being a consideration somewhere between orgasm four and six. He didn't know he could come that many times, despite what Haggar's done to him, which is something else that he never wants to consider.

Come morning, he's mortified at himself, but forces himself to get to breakfast, decidedly not considering why the staff are so expectant. Keith's already there, picking at his meal when Shiro settles across from him gingerly. ]

Hello.

[Keith looks up once when he hears Shiro's door open, then down at his food and reaches for the juice. He doesn't want to mention anything if Shiro doesn't. So a greeting seems safe enough.]

Good morning.

[Even to him, it sounds stilted. Formal. Not like themselves. Yeah, he'll just take a big ol' drink of that juice.]

[ Are they talking about this, or leaving it alone?

Shiro grabs one of the pieces of bread and reaches for the butter and jam, smearing them liberally over it. He doesn't know, but it doesn't really matter because they have to. He owes it to Keith. ]

I'm-- sorry about last night. That wasn't how I wanted to tell you.

It's all right.

[It's said easily, light. No pressure or blame to it. He takes a bite of his bread - no topping, no butter, nothing done to it. Keith chews it over and is glad his back is to the couple of staff members watching this show like it's their only entertainment in the world.]

I'm-- Glad you told me, all the same. [He isn't sure Shiro would have ever said anything on his own.] It's not how I wanted to tell you either.

It makes a good case for me avoiding spontaneous decisions, I suppose.

[ Shiro finishes off the bread and then reaches for one of the pieces of fruit. He skins it with one of the provided knives, cutting it into neat, uniform pieces, offering a few to Keith. ]

I wanted-- I don't know what I wanted. I want you...happy. I don't know if I can give you that.